Everybody’s waiting for something.
Getting rich, getting hitched, getting name and fame, getting power and status, getting better, getting secure, getting love, getting free. Or simply just “getting it”.
Whatever it is that you’re waiting for is based on a fundamental feeling of lack. And whatever flavour that feeling of lack takes on, that is the scaffolding around which your entire worldview has become organized.
It’s like that magnetic drawing board my kids play with. The board is filled with metal filings scattered in no particular order. But you take a magnetic pen and, as you draw, the metal filings on the board begin to organize themselves in a pattern in alignment with the pen.
What you lack is what consumes your thought. What consumes your thought is what utilizes most of your attention. What utilizes your attention is what shapes your reality. The shape your reality takes reinforces your feeling of lack.
Awareness acts like the magnetic pen and reality responds like the metal fillings.
Those who seek security are motivated by a feeling of fear. Thus their world takes on the form of a perilous place filled with imminent threats. They have no choice but to act in offensive or defensive ways and thereby they become a threat to others or to themselves. In this way, their worldview is validated as reality begins to shape itself into a world of chaos and havoc.
Those who seek love are motivated by a feeling of unworthiness. Thus their world takes the form of a place where value must be earned rather than it being something inherent. They have no choice but to value others and themselves in a hierarchy of self-worth. In this way, their worldview is validated as reality begins to shape itself into a world devoid of intrinsic value.
Those who seek wealth are motivated by a feeling of “not enough”. Thus their world takes the form of a place where things require constant improvement or else everything will collapse and devolve into chaos. They have no choice but to keep pushing forward because to stop even for a moment is to admit that, at least for that one moment, this IS enough. In this way, their worldview is validated as reality begins to shape itself into a world that is damaged and broken.
Those who seek enlightenment are motivated by a fear of meaninglessness and death. “Is this it?” “Is this all there is?” These are the thoughts lurking just beneath the surface that they are desperately attempting to deny. Thus their world takes the form of a place with infinite layers of meaning that require constant seeking and probing to penetrate. They have no choice but to invent higher and more rarefied states of understanding and experience in an effort to immortalize themselves. In this way, their worldview is validated as reality begins to shape itself into a world of darkness and ignorance.
Lack shapes reality, just like an empty vessel shapes the water one pours into it.
It seems almost cruel that life would feed our sense of lack in this way. That it would shape itself to validate whatever insecurities we might have. But this is not an act of cruelty.
Life fills the void that the mind creates. It breathes oxygen into the vacuum of that emptiness. It enters into the hollowed out spaces in our hearts and heals them from the inside. And it remains there until the lesson is learned, no matter how much trial and error, disappointment and heartache it may require.
When the scar finally heals, the hollow spaces of lack are fused shut once again. Then reality reshapes itself in accordance with the new topography of our hearts and minds.
It is an inside out progression.
Which is why simply saying the right words and attempting to believe them won’t do. Attempting to artificially contrive a reality of abundance isn’t going to give you a sense of “enough”. Attempting to brainwash yourself into believing “this is it” isn’t going to fill that void of meaninglessness within you.
Words are bandaids.
They are great at covering up the wounds. But they won’t heal them.
Awareness alone has that power. And it is by turning towards the lack rather than towards whatever goal we think is going to fulfill us, that healing begins.
The wound of insecurity when healed reveals a world worthy of trust.
The wound of unworthiness when healed reveals a world of inherent value.
The wound of “not enough” when healed reveals a world of abundance.
The wound of “meaninglessness and death” when healed reveals a world brimming with truth and aliveness.
When there is no sense of waiting…then you have arrived at the space you’ve been standing in all along.