Just understand this. I reject your version of me completely.
Don’t get me wrong. I accept that you have it. But it’s none of my business. What you think of me is as inconsequential to me as what your favourite colour is.
You like green? Good for you. Hate it? No problem. Don’t give a shit either way.
You think I’m the cat’s whiskers? Enjoy that version of me. Think I’m an idiot? Have fun getting riled up about that. It holds no weight with me.
You need to understand that you simply cannot know me. I am unknowable to you. What you like, what you admire, what you dislike, what you despise has everything to do with you and nothing to do with me.
If only your guru or your teacher treated you this way. If only they rejected your love, rejected your hate, rejected your reverence and your desperation. Perhaps then, having nowhere left to direct it, you’d direct it towards yourself.
“But I do hate myself! I do despise myself! That’s the problem!” You might say.
So hate yourself. Despise yourself. But do you also love and cherish yourself? If you are saving that love for another then that’s your missing piece.
Or another might say, “Well, I do love myself. I do admire myself! It’s certain other people that I disdain and criticize.”
So love yourself. Admire yourself. But if you are saving that disdain and criticism for another then that’s your missing piece.
It’s all about you and only ever about you.
What you think about another, what you think about the world, about events and circumstances – everything that filters in through your awareness and registers in your mind has passed through the lens of your own self-perception.
Every skew or bias in your view of these external agents is the result of a distortion in that lens of self perception.
And further every positive bias you see in the world must be offset by a negative bias you have of your own image. Every prejudice you hold towards another is offset by some inflated view you have of yourself.
It’s all about you and only ever about you.
And this “YOU” I’m referring to is neither the self-image nor the external environment. It is the lens that can’t perceive itself. But can only know itself in relation to the world it sees beyond and the image of self it reflects back.
So when you revere or put your teacher on a pedestal, you have no choice but to simultaneously diminish yourself. Magnifying their importance goes hand in hand with a diminished sense of your own significance.
When you inflate your own self importance in comparison to the common man whom you dismiss as being petty and lost in material trivialities, that self-importance can only exist by diminishing someone else. The two go hand in hand.
Yet, you have no control over the lens either. You cannot choose the distortions it creates nor can you choose to undo them. All you can “do” is become aware of how the lens interprets. And in the simple act of awareness, the distortions reveal themselves and eventually resolve themselves. Yet, these physics of awareness are no more within our control than the physics of the material universe.
The lens that is undistorted sees everything in the proportion in which it actually exists. There is no magnification nor diminishment. I see you and I see me in the proportions that we exist. The world through the lens is in proportion to the image being reflected back.
Then I am free to love, admire, dislike and criticize – but it is never a one way street. It is always in equal proportion outwards and inwards.
What I dislike in others is what I equally dislike in myself. What I love about others is what I equally love about myself. What I admire in others is what I equally admire about myself. What I criticize in others is what I equally criticize in myself.
And since I see both you and me in proportion, I can neither diminish you in order to inflate myself nor can I inflate you in order to diminish myself. Then, I am free of you and you are free of me.
When the world exists in proportion it becomes ordinary. Incredibly ordinary. There are no “giants” among us, there are no “goddesses” among us, there are no “saints” among us, there are no “demons” among us. There are people. Just ordinary people. With a wide variety of lenses.
And sometimes those lenses are terribly distorted. And when enough people with distorted lenses get together they can do terrible things. Yet, life is a kaleidoscope, and inevitably, the light that enters a kaleidoscope can never be lost.
No matter how many times it may be distorted and diffracted, reflected and refracted, it remains the same and emerges as the very same light it was that first entered.
Which means that the net effect of all the distorted perspectives in the world remains unchanged. Times may change, events may change, opinions may change, regimes may change but in essence nothing changes.
What is IS what is. And what could be, should be, must be, could’ve been, should’ve been, must’ve been affects it not in the least.
I am what I am. And what you THINK I am is what YOU are.
I am unknowable to you.
It’s all about you. And only ever about you.