Bombs Away!

Let me set the record straight, because you may be confused as to what I am about.

I’m not here to prove anything to you. I’m not here to be liked or validated by you. And I’m certainly not here to convince you to be anything like ME. You couldn’t even if you tried. Your best case scenario, in this life, is if you ended up being something like yourself.

I’m also not here to claim anything. What’s there to claim? I have a body. So, do you. I have a brain. So, do you. I have a penis. Half of you do. And the other half are lucky to have dodged THAT bullet. I get hungry when I haven’t eaten. I get cranky when I haven’t slept. I get frustrated, when things don’t work out for me. I feel good, when things do.

No surprises there. What’s there to claim?

Anything else I say is just a perspective. A perspective on reality, a perspective on myself. I can share my perspective with you. But YOU can never share my perspective. All you can do is share your own. It’s all just food for thought, nothing more. Take what I say with a grain of salt. If it’s edible to you then welcome to this free buffet. If it’s not, there’s plenty of other places you can find a meal. Or better yet, just learn to cook for yourself and you’ll never go hungry again.

But whatever nonsense it is that you want to project on me is your own business.

If you’re looking for perfection, you sure as hell ain’t gonna find it here. So, let me save you a lot of disappointment.

“Shiv, are you enlightened?” No, there is no such thing.

“Shiv, are you 100% truthful?” No, there is no such thing.

“Shiv, are you happy all the time?” No, there is no such thing.

“Shiv, have you attained permanent inner peace?” No, there is no such thing.

“Shiv, are you free from suffering?” No, there is no such thing.

“Shiv, are you motivated by a need to enlighten others?” No, I’m motivated by a need to do what I need to do in order to make this experience of life worthwhile for me.

“Shiv, are you motivated by a need to help others?” No, others need to take accountability for their own issues and help themselves. Not my business.

“Shiv, then why the hell am I listening to anything you have to say?” I honestly have no fucking idea. But just maybe, you want to listen to an average schmuck OWN his mediocre existence without apology.

Because make no mistake. I AM MEDIOCRE. Better at some things than I am at others. But net-net, not worth emulating in the least.

I wear my mediocrity like a fucking badge. I’m happy to give 75% effort in all that I do and spend 25% of the time slacking off. I have volumes of unrealized potential within me that I have no intention of ever realizing. I can imagine no greater form of anxiety than having to fulfill my “passionate purpose” day in and day out and give it my 100%.

FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

I have no insider’s information on the secrets of the universe. I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast this morning. I have no special knowledge. I barely know ten percent of what is already out there as proven scientific fact. I am NOT an intellectual by any means. Put me in a room full of them and this will become rapidly apparent.

I’m just a guy using his limited brain and common sense to reflect on his own conscious experience and reporting what he has seen and understood as a result of that reflection. It’s quite possible that I am COMPLETELY delusional. There is no way for you to really know that. All you can do is compare your own perspective with mine and perform a gap analysis in order to determine how out of sync the two are. The closer they align, the more “on the level” I will seem. The more out of phase they are, the more delusional I will sound to you.

I don’t give two fornications.

The only reason you should want to emulate me is if you’re the world’s biggest loser and can’t even aspire to your own mediocrity. But other than that, you’re better off looking for other role models.

Still, don’t despair. You won’t have to look far. All you need to do is look at the list of other “pages like this” suggested on the side panel of this Facebook page. A whole list of experts will appear with an antidote to every one of your woes. They’ll teach you to heal, to excel, to elevate, to actualize. All kinds of KOOL solutions to elevate you from your own average existence into the:

*** BESTEST *** COOLESTLOVINGESTMOST ENLIGHTENED***VERSION OF YOURSELF ***

Not here. Here you get your own shitty mediocrity rubbed in your face and “mirrored” back to you ad nauseam.

But hey, some people like that. Some people have a fetish for “ordinary” things. Some people have a hard on for the mundane. Folks be kinky like that. Don’t judge, you prude!

Some people don’t want to reach some higher place of consciousness, transcend their own suffering, realize their most passionate purpose, break the wheel of samsara or even solve the world’s crises. None of those awesome prizes other contestants in the game of life seem to be gunning for.

Some people are just sitting here going: “So, let’s see. I have another ten, twenty, thirty, forty odd years on this planet? Ok, I can either waste my time moaning about my lot. Or I could just enjoy whatever the hell this is until the party’s over.”

Let the NEXT fucking incarnation deal with getting me off the “wheel of samsara”! I’ve got no time for that shit.

Did I mention procrastination? There’s something I absolutely excel at.

This page isn’t about “enlightenment”. It’s about LIGHTENING UP. If 7.5 billion people, in this very moment, stopped taking themselves so fucking seriously, a lot of things would change very fast.

But that’s not going to happen and that’s ok because that’s really none of my business either. The only business I have, that I am responsible for, is making it through this lifetime without totally fucking things up.

And this is easier said than done, because we are hardcoded to fuck things up. Which is why old Buddha talked about sticking to the middle path. Be average! Be mediocre! That way at least when you fuck up, it’ll just be an average kind of mess you create. And with a mediocre effort, you’ll learn to clean it up.

Not enlightenment. But ENTITLEMENT. That’s our fucking problem.

Actually believing, that ME: MY problems, MY suffering, MY passion, MY realization, MY actualization is what any of this is about.

The other day I got a flat tire and, as I sweated and swore while changing it, a passing crow took a shit on my shoulder. THAT is how much sympathy life actually has for what any of us are going through.

And I looked at that steaming turd and laughed. Because I had, in my frustration and irritation at the flat tire, actually for a moment believed that I was some special entity who didn’t deserve for such things to happen to him. I had taken my own existence seriously enough to feel a sense of injustice about a flat tire.

“TAKE THAT!” The moment the shit bomb hit my shoulder, the feeling of injustice turned into a mushroom cloud of hopeless despair for an instant, before the sheer absurdity of it all freed me from my own sense of self-importance. Laughter was all there was left.

As long as I AM the joke, there’s an endless supply of laughs to be had…

So, lighten up a little. I’m not some enlightened dude here to teach you to liberate yourself.

Best-case scenario: I’m just a crow taking a shit on your shoulder.

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